BLOG RESONSES:

This Teaching Tolerance Blog post got the most responses of any blog the site had published.  I’ve included some of the responses verbatim below and they represent the many opinions and responses of people who read the original blog.

Submitted by Ellen: It will take time for gay relationships to be fully accepted but our children already are far more tolerant than we were as children. So, I think we're on the right track. When I was a middle schooler over thirty years ago, no one of that age would admit to being gay. People generally waited until college or after college to come out, if they came out at all. Nowadays, kids are coming out in high school and sometimes as early as middle school. I live in a fairly conservative, Republican town and the president of the high school student body is an openly gay young man. My daughter has a good friend who has two moms and the boy seems very well adjusted, loved and happy. If this can be going on in a quiet, little town like mine then I

think times are really changing for the better.

Submitted by Anonymous:  I don't know if this has been written already, but I was unable to read all the threads of people talking. You were asking why people are uncomfortable about having gay childrens books in

schools. The answer is simple in that people are still mostly uncomfortable with homosexuality.  Less than a hundred years ago, people were uncomfortable with the idea of blacks in our schools, and now it's common and frowned apon otherwise. It took longer for black literature to be taught and read in schools.  The social norm for society is that being homosexual is bad. This norm will eventually change as did the norm for having all white schools or segregation. It will take work, and probably a decade for our children to overcome the differences.

Submitted by Linda:  I stumbled on to this website looking for the lyrics of a song and will respond to this blog.

What if we quit worrying about whether it is the education intuitions responsibility to teach elementary kids about sexuality? What if we were all passionate about whether our kids are being taught math, science, and spelling? What if we decided that teachers have a big enough challenge trying to get it through little Johnny's head that 1 + 1 = 2, without her having to go through the balance beam act of deciding whether she should use that equation to expand his learning on whether she meant 1 girl plus 1 girl equals tolerance. What if we told her it was okay to just use apples for this lesson? Being the mother of a nine year old boy and watching the struggles he has just trying to grasp the concepts of a compound sentence verses a complex sentence, or trying to memorize his multiplication, makes me think that this discussion is out of touch with what little kids need to be taught at school. Let the lessons of morality or sexual orientation or whatever phrase you want to use be taught at home. I grew up with a boy that we all knew was a little different than us. He was like one of

us girls, but we all loved him just the same. I recently saw my old friend at my 30 year reunion and I can tell you he was not scarred one bit for not being outed 40 years earlier. He loved us and we loved him. Kids are smarter than we give them credit. By and large, we don’t have to beat it over their head to be nice to someone who is a little different than they are. Now math is something else.

Submitted by Anonymous: What I find to be just as problematic is when school districts themselves, not just the students or the parents, say that we shouldn't be using these books in school. For a teacher to read a gay themed book in the classroom would only promote acceptance of homosexuality. Making the comment that kids who read gay books will grow up gay is ridiculous. Besides, if they do grow up gay, then we need to show them that it is OK to do so. Students need our support, especially the ones who are marginalized.

Submitted by Lisa: Personally, I have nothing against using books like these in my classroom. Unfortunately, I teach in a very conservative area and am afraid of losing my job if I introduced such topics in my classroom. Instead, what I do is not allow any sort of anti-gay talk in my classroom. I also point out to my students that such talk is discriminatory and I allow no discrimination in my classroom.

Submitted by Burke:  A parent's decision that a particular book is inappropriate for his or her child, or inappropriate in a classroom setting, equated with government banning of books is mindless and contemptible. Just stop it. I would have been a very irresponsible person indeed if I had not taken an interest in what my child read in school. Some school teachers forget that some of their students' parents, in a public school, are as well or better educated than the average elementary school teacher and may be more liberal. I definitely do not think sex education or discussion of any kind of sex is appropriate in a public school. Students do, like it or not , have parents whose opinions may differ from yours. Tolerance should of course be taught, but more importantly, it should be modeled. If your school is having tolerance problems, please do an honest self-assessment of the behavior of staff. What are they modeling and teaching to students? I do not know whether or not homosexuality is "natural"--no one does--but surely this is not the way to teach tolerant behavior. 

Submitted by Tammy: I am a 50 year old lesbian. When I discovered my orientation in the late 70's I looked for every book, article, story I could find. Most did not portray my orientation in a positive light. How I would have loved to have had access to stories about people who just happen to be lesbian or gay -- like the books mentioned here. Since my partner and I adopted a little girl 3 years ago, it is even more important that she have access to books about normal lesbian/gay families. Because that is what our family is -- normal.

Our lives are just like most other middle class families. We get up, go to work and school, come home and spend quality time together, only to go to bed and do it over again the next day. We spend time with family and friends of all diversities, we attend church on Sundays. They would never make a movie of our lives because to the world, this lesbian family would be boring. We are that normal. As for the issue of choice, the only choice I ever had in being lesbian is, am I going to live a lie and try to fit in, or am I going to live the truth of who the Divine made me? Thankfully, after many years of struggle, I chose the latter, and that has freed me to be all I am meant to be. Keep the blogs coming!

Submitted by Shion: With all due respect to those saying that their children shouldn’t be exposed to

homosexuality because it’s against their religion, I counter that those of us tolerant of homosexuality shouldn’t have to submit to their religious beliefs being imposed on us. We are a democracy, not a theocracy. The same human rights should apply to homosexuals as they do to heterosexuals and other religious “pariahs” such as people in bi/multi-racial, mixed religion or broken marriages. Banning books is a symptom of an insecure and controlling society, and it never accomplishes its’ #1 purpose: the eradication of the thoughts expressed by the authors. If the word "gay" were never uttered, written or even whispered for 100 years, homosexuals would still exist.

Submitted by Jennifer: What a wonderful discussion topic, although I am disheartened by so many negative comments. As a teacher in a Catholic school homosexuality can be a touchy subject, but what conservative

Christians who preach that homosexuality is wrong based on their religious beliefs forget is that Jesus loved everyone. That's what we teach children. We don't teach them that Jesus loves everyone... but you. If God created humanity then why would God create someone "wrong"? Your sexuality is not a choice, it's who you are.

Submitted by Gaa: If people are in a loving, non-violent relationship, why should others object if it is gay or

lesbian or straight? I have a problem with media content that makes violence against anyone or anything ok. Why do we as a society get so caught up in our sexuality and not in the way we treat each other? Domestic violence, child abuse, elder abuse, etc. why aren't these more of an issue than sexuality?

Submitted by Kami: I think it makes people uncomfortable to teach about gay relationships because of our social, cultural, and religious upbringing. Also, simply because we are not equipped with the proper

information. There is also fear that to accept it is to condone it as socially acceptable behavior of which it is not, at least not yet from our society's point of view. I personally could care less how people choose to live their lives; it is none of our business what they do in the comfort of their private homes. But I have seen gay parades, and I believe even for heterosexuals the idea of walking openly in the street with cowboy chaps wearing no jeans, with bare buttocks sticking out is not acceptable in any circumstance. What do you say when your child asks you, Mom, why is that man showing his butt in front of everyone? Even as a liberal, I have found myself wondering why is it so important to publicly display such lewd behavior, and why should we condone it just because we don't want to be seen as homophobic? I think it's the promiscuity which seems

prevalent among the gay male culture that is a real turn-off. I have gay friends of other cultures who are themselves turned off by this behavior. Where are the boundaries, should there be any, why or why not? I am confused on the issue, and need further clarification and understanding as well as the next person.

Submitted by Gabriel: I have a great response. You asked why do people have discomfort when reading these

children's books? My research for my dissertation dealt with this very issue. I interviewed teachers to ask what are the hindrances in teaching gay-themed literature in the classroom and the following was found:

"Teachers described the obstacles they believed teachers faced when implementing gay-themed children’s literature in the elementary classroom as part of a balanced multicultural education. The results suggested that parental concerns, personal beliefs, a lack of training, a child’s young age, religion or the right-wing movement, administration, personal discomfort, and a lack of time in school schedules were obstacles to the implementation of gay-themed literature in the elementary classroom. In addition, teachers were asked if their school administration and local school district supported or hindered the implementation of gay-themed children’s literature. The results suggested that most teachers did not know whether the school district supported the inclusion of gay-themed children’s literature. Some teachers suggested that the district’s silence promoted a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Policy about the topic, while other teachers mentioned that if

they did include gay themes, no problems would arise in doing so."

Submitted by Equality: My child (a 15 year old Sophomore) has, at this point in his life, chosen an alternative lifestyle. For a while he thought he might be bi-sexual, but as he has matured (we have been going through this for a while now) he has decided he is gay. I love my son. I know he has chosen a hard road, but he has support in the GSA group on campus, some teachers he has found and a great Dr. that has the same lifestyle and has been helpful in discussing some of the bigger issues that come with this decision. He has read a great series for teens: Rainbow High Series by Alex Sanchez. I would never limit his reading of any topic as long as it was age appropriate and I don't worry about his little brother being influenced in his sexuality one way or the other. Kids will grow into who they are and we as adults and educators are simply guides along the way.

Response to Equality from Anonymous:  This theology is ludicrous! Did you allow your child to decide not to brush his teeth when he was a young boy as well? Try reading Freud's Psychodynamic theory on

homosexuality. Somewhere along the line you son developed a fixation during childhood. The good news is, cases upon cases of research show that people 'come out' of this type of disturbing lifestyle on a daily basis, never going back!

Submitted by Crystal:  Do people really think that books will make kids turn out any special way? I mean, lets all be honest here. How many books have you read? Are you just like those characters? I can't even begin to make sense of your reply, it's just wild to me. Most people, regardless of sexual orientation, just want to be respected. That is what those books do, they help break down walls. And what if your child was gay? Would you want them to grow up unsure and unhappy, trying to be someone they can never be? Or would you want them to grow up knowing that no matter what, their parents love them for who they are?

Submitted by Zonette: I am a mother of two and also a children's librarian at an urban public library. Our juvenile collection has all the books that Jeff Sapp mentions, plus some others. None of them were in the

collection when I took the job five years ago, although the library did have Heather Has Two Mommies and Daddy's Roommate. I really wish that there were even MORE well-written and well-illustrated books that address these issues in a natural way. I particularly love The Family Book by Todd Parr because it is so wonderfully accepting of all kinds of families without making a big deal out of it. Sadly, I have had to replace The Family Book a few times already, either because it went missing or someone scribbled on the page that mentions that some families have two moms or two dads. I'll do whatever it takes to keep these kinds of books in our collection and continue adding them when good ones come along. Children are not born with prejudices. They inherit them from their parents. I hope that some day the cycle of intolerance will be broken. We're getting closer but we still have a ways to go.

Submitted by William: My dream is that school will become a place where all people can find their way in the world. Who we include and do not include sends powerful messages to our children about their worth and

about the possibilities of their lives. Thank you Jeff for the great recommendations. I dream of a day where our gay and lesbian kids are not only safe in school, but truly can see all the gifts and possibilities of their lives. Jeff's recommended books are one small step in ensuring this takes place.

Submitted by Lacey: What I think is most interesting about And Tango Makes Three is that it is the author's

interpretation of a true story. In fact, there are many true stories of penguins joining same sex relationships that flourish (in whatever way penguin relationships flourish). We had a fiasco about Tango a few years ago in Charlotte, and many parents lamented how the book sought to "normalize" homosexuality. But the joke is on them, because these penguins were, by all accounts, normal. They had not read books on homosexuality, or been exposed to the "deviancy" of the lifestyle...they were just being penguins. In regards to the banned books, I think there are two things at work here. In the case of books with "gay themes" I think it's extremely difficult for parents to understand that gay does not equal sex. I think that this perception is the chief source

of discomfort. We must work to eradicate this stereotype about the LGBT community. In the case of gender identity, I do think that people are genuinely afraid that if we teach our kids to be critical thinkers and to question authority -such as exchanging a ball for a doll- that the world will turn upside down and Armageddon will come. Or that their kids will turn gay.

Submitted by Chuck:  Number one, I don't recall Williams Doll implying his sexuality. Second, you can't compare reading about homosexuality to your kids to being a penguin, people! And third, you just can't have gay content in kids books! Even if they're in a straight relationship, you just can't have any of that type of content in stuff like that. Yes, we have to learn to tolerate people who are different than us, but having books like these floating around in libraries is not something you want as a hazard for parents who prefer to teach their kids conservatively. And four, you can't really teach your kids (safely) about being gay using a book. Because what happens if it ends up being their favorite book? Some parents may want their kids to explore

different forms of sexuality so If they do have books like these, please keep it in the restricted section.

Response to Chuck from Jennifer: Chuck, what message would it send to students who have two parents of the same-sex that books portraying families like theirs are in a "restricted" section? We are charged with caring for all of our students, not shunning or stigmatizing them. Aren't we?

Response to Chuck from Children’s Librarian: Chuck, as a children's librarian, let me point out a bone of contention that many librarians have with parents like you. It is not anyone else's job but yours to make sure that what your child is reading is ok with you. This means that if you don't want your child to encounter particular types of books in the library, make sure you are with your child at all times and choosing his/her books for them. In doing this, you will also limit your child's ability to make decisions for him/herself or think critically. It is not your job to tell the rest of the community what is ok and not ok to be in THEIR public

library.

Submitted by Cassie: I agree that parents can and should be allowed to teach their children according to their

own religious beliefs. If a parent objects to a teacher reading a book that offends personal beliefs, that individual has the right to take her/his/zyr child out of the classroom for the offending storytime. That being said, public schools serve everyone, and they are obligated to teach certain government-sanctioned, hopefully innocuous values like respect for others and an appreciation for various experiences. Children have a right to

know that various kinds of families exist, and they especially have the right to see families like theirs represented. The earlier children are taught to love and celebrate differences, the more natural this attitude becomes. A personal favorite of mine that dear old  gay Uncle showed me is "Pug Dog," about a girl dog who feels and acts like a boy dog. I was reminded of it when a friend of mine who is majoring in Elementary Education found it at the College library. We rejoiced together.

Response to Cassie from Teri: I am both a parent of a middle schooler and an elementary student as well as a

teacher in middle school. And I am a lesbian. What is imperative, I believe, is for teachers to have the academic freedom to decide what their students need to promote acceptance of diversity. I want my children to feel accepted and to have their family be accepted. I want my children to know that they do not have to hide the

fact that they have two moms and a gay dad. We are lucky because we live in a community where our family is not an issue. I want my gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender students to know that school is a safe place for them. LGBT kids are at-risk kids--with a higher than average suicide rate, runaway rate, drug use rate. Why? Not because it's the "gay lifestyle," but because our LGBT youth don't know where to go, who to turn to, don't ever see their reality, their feelings, and thoughts reflected back to them in the curriculum, in their schools, and certainly at home. I hope that those people who have responded negatively to gay people here would act differently if one of their children or a student came out to them. Will And Tango Makes Three save a kid from suicide? I don't know. But I do know that hearing a story that somehow connects to their own reality makes a huge difference for the kid. That teacher has automatically made it known that his or her classroom has an open door.

Submitted by Anna: What is the difference between having a book about a child with two mommies or having

a book about a different nationality? It’s just a different lifestyle. Italians, African Americans, Jews, Native Americans, ect have different traditions and ways of life. So religion has taught people that being gay is wrong. Its time to step outside the box and learn that GOD loves everyone and it is wrong to pass judgment (per the bible). Reading a child a book about gay individuals is showing children that its okay to be who you are and if you have two parents of the same sex here is something you can relate to. Everyone is special. Thinking that your child will become homosexual because you read them a book is insane. Its about excepting peoples differences and teaching your child not to HATE.

Submitted by Larry:  I think the reason it makes people uncomfortable is that, for example, I was raised that

homosexuality is wrong and God does not approve of it. People don't want to teach their kids something that they believe is wrong. I am not saying that these books should not be written or read, but if you are upset about how they make you feel that is probably why. Everyone, especially in this day and age believes something different about God, but everyone's religious rights are and should be protected. I have to be honest it would make me uncomfortable to teach my child that homosexuality is ok. I know a lot of people believe it is ok and that is great for them, but I however have no clue whether it is or not, that is why it makes me uncomfortable. It is when someone tries to force thier way of thinking on you that you don't like it, right? Nobody iscomfortable with that no matter who they are.

Response to Larry from Mom C: I also believe religious freedom is important and if you want to teach your children that homosexuality is wrong, that is your right as a parent. However, presenting books like And

Tango Makes Three doesn't necessitate making a sexuality-based value lesson. There are homosexual people in the world. Many of them are raising children. It's not for the teacher to tell the students that is a good or a bad thing. It's just a reality. I think even if you don't embrace homosexuality, you ought to at least want your children to have respect for people who believe and live differently. Forget about the books -- what if there is a gay parent in your class? Kids talk. Are children of same-sex parents going to be forced to keep their family a secret just so parents who disagree with homosexuality can avoid the discussion at home?

Submitted by KM:  For the record, reading about a gay person doesn't make you gay just like me reading a book about a kangaroo won't make me one. I think these books are necessary to expose children to the diversity that has become our society. That way, when they hit adolescence, they will have an

awareness of different experiences. It's that kind of ignorance that displays the homophobia that

America still needs to overcome. Being gay isn't a disease--you can't catch it.

Submitted by Anonymous: I'm a 15 year old who has grown up with gay books not only in my local and school library, but in my own personal collection as well. These books have not forced a certain orientation upon me in the slightest. They have taught me life lessons of tolerance, friendship, and love. Schools often have a mission statement that proclaims that it accepts differences in children and fellow beings. My old school's chant said, "Everyone is different, and that's okay!". If we are to stay true to this statement, how do you propose isolating a whole group of children? A gay lifestyle is just as good or bad as the next man or woman. They love each other, respect each other, and have a better understanding of tolerance. Our world could only be improved by gay lifestyles. And just a side note, banning books on subjects that interest children will only lead to illiteracy, and illiteracy leads to ignorance.

Submitted by Anonymous:  I grew up gay without ever reading a gay book, nor was I molested. When a person reads a book that discusses a diverse lifestyle other than their own, it only broadens their horizon on the

diversity of life. The main idea that any children's book should focus on is the importance of loving another human being, regardless of sex, religion, economic status or race. Our children are taught to hate and

discriminate for one reason or another. We should focus more on loving and respecting each other for their hearts and their actions. People preach about positive and actively conduct themselves in negative mannerisms. Action speaks louder than words. Thus, I love books that focus on kindness, respect, honesty, friendship, love and peace. These are the virtues our children should have; they are our future leaders.

Submitted by Anonymous: Gay childrens' books are okay, if you want your kids to grow up gay. It just depends if you have a problem with your kids ending up in the lifestyle that many homosexuals take, and last time I

check, it's usually bad.

Response to Anonymous (above):  What a sad and pathetic response. Children do not grow up to be gay because they read gay books. If that were even remotely true, then it sould seem that homosexuality is in fact the default position and the only thing maintaining a heterosexual majority is a strict prohibition against acknowedging homosexuality. I want my children to be happy and healthy. Whether that means they are gay or straight or bisexual or trangendered is of absolutely no consequence to me. What is of consequence is

that my children understand that it's a big world and they're not alone in whatever their orientation. Why aren't these books taught in school more often? Because of the very real fear of responses like anonymous' -- ignorant, fearful and loud.

Submitted by Tim: My son read And Tango Makes Three at church. It didn't turn him into a penguin. My son is six, and he hasn't declared a sexual orientation yet. Marrying a girl, marrying a boy -- neither seems to interest him much right now. His plan is to live with his parents forever, collecting toys and playing Wii. I suspect he will change his mind on that plan in a few years. When he does, straight or gay, I hope he keeps Tango in mind, because it's a TRUE story, about the making of a family. It's a much healthier story than a lot of the fictional stories he'll encounter on the topic of relationships. With luck, gay or straight, my son will wind up in a "lifestyle" like that of my friend Jeff Sapp. Here's a guy who is happily married, with a beautiful child and a great career as a mentor to future teachers. Another true story. Another great example for young people trying to learn how to live in this world. If a story is true, and teaches a good lesson, why can't we share it with our children?

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Aliquam tincidunt lorem enim, eget